Facing the Unknown: Practical Tools for a Smooth Back-to-School Transition

by Jackie Strimas, MSW, Chelsea Reaume MA, Chelsea Vance BA, Linda-Paola Sosa Hernandez, and Kristel Thomassin Ph.D

My neighbor greeted me this morning with a familiar adage: “The summer just flew by!” For a moment, the heavy weight of fall’s many “to do’s” settled deep in my chest: It was time to replace my dying summer flora with a pot of orange Mums, time to register (and pay!) for extracurriculars, time to put away the summer clothes… But one task, in particular, struck me as the most daunting of all: How was I going to calm my child’s nerves about the first day of school and brace myself for the flurry of What-if questions.

What if I forgot all of my math over the summer? What if my friends aren’t in my class? What if everyone else has grown taller over the summer but me, and I don’t make the basketball team? The worry swelled in me until I recalled the many iterations of the back-to-school season I have already successfully weathered — so I took a beat and said to myself, “You’ve got this!” 

For many parents and caregivers on the precipice of the back-to-school transition, most wonder how some children can shift so drastically from feelings of summer elation to back-to-school trepidation. Uncertainty contributes to feelings of anxiety by limiting how effectively we can prepare for the future.1 While we can’t remove all uncertainties — and nor should we because cultivating tolerance to uncertainty is an important skill — we can consider what is within our control and focus on these areas to bring a greater sense of preparedness and predictability in the face of uncertainty.

So, what can caregivers and children control during this transition time? We can control our attitudes, our level of preparation, and how we respond to our children’s feelings and behaviours. One way for children to feel more in control is to exercise their “choice muscle.” Whether it be choosing their first day of school outfit, selecting snacks for their lunch from a menu of options, or choosing which club or team they will join, making choices helps kids to feel empowered and part of school preparation process. Here are some evidence-based strategies you can use to help your child prepare for the changes, big and small, that accompany the start of a new school year.

Use mental rehearsal to handle those tough “what if” questions

Anticipating and ruminating on possible negative outcomes to the exclusion of considering more positive possibilities both contributes to and maintains anxious feelings. Cognitive Rehearsal, also known as Mental Rehearsal is an evidence-based strategy that can help a child reduce anticipatory anxiety by visualizing themselves navigating and problem solving a perceived stressful situation.2

The idea is not to visualize a situation running perfectly, but to imagine encountering real-life scenarios, complete with obstacles, and rehearse how the child might problem solve and navigate these experiences. Parent supported mental rehearsals could include talking your child through one of these what-if scenarios. For example, you might suggest, “Hey, how about we imagine this scenario out loud together, and what possible steps you can take to manage it.” Cognitive Rehearsal exercises increase a sense of self-efficacy and instill a belief in the child that they can manage uncertain situations.

Fact-check fears

When first day jitters persist, gather some evidence from past experiences and balance out anxious feelings with facts. Remind your child of all of the “first days” they have already experienced and how they coped and adapted to the new environments and expectations. Perhaps you can draw on a first day of overnight camp experience that is fresh in their minds.

Even if it was a little bumpy, you can highlight moments they problem-solved a difficult situation, advocated for themselves or overcame a challenge. Or perhaps you could discuss the first time they jumped in the deep end of the pool at swimming lessons, slept over at a friend’s house or delivered a speech to their class. Highlight and be specific about an example of their bravery, self-advocacy or creative problem solving to emphasize that these are practices and skills they carry with them.

Engage children in the preparation process

Author and Expert Negotiator Chris Voss stated: When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion — you fall to your highest level of preparation.3 Delegate some responsibilities to your child to help prepare for school and praise them as they get busy with these tasks. For example, have them create a checklist of the back-to-school items they need, and shop (or thrift!) together for these items. They can be responsible for creating the list, finding the best deals on the shelf, organizing their pencil case, and packing their backpack.

Once school is underway, if there is worry or uncertainty about subjects or homework, encourage your child to give you a tour of their Google Classroom platform. Together you can familiarize yourself with the processes to access class content, “turn in assignments,” and check for upcoming important due dates.

Establish a predictable routine

Just as a well-planned lesson keeps a classroom running smoothly and students engaged, a predictable home routine is a parent’s best tool for calming back-to-school nerves. Re-establishing a routine that sets your child up for success in the first weeks of school is essential. If you have an elementary school-aged child, consider having them create a visual schedule capturing the tasks they need to do each morning in preparation for school. This helps develop independence and a sense of self-efficacy.

If possible, returning to a predictable sleep schedule is also recommended in the days leading up to school. The Canadian Pediatric Society recommends 9 to 12 hours for school-aged children and 9 to 10 hours for adolescents.4 We know from research that a healthy amount of sleep is an important ingredient in supporting your child’s learning and emotional regulation.5

Prepare to power-off

Transitioning from wide-open summer days back to a structured routine inevitably means changes to cell-phone use and access for students. During the summer months some kids and adolescents may rely more heavily on their phones for entertainment and social connection. Most schools in Ontario have policies about acceptable cell-phone use during the instructional day. If your child uses a cell phone, review these rules in advance with them, and consider putting some phone use guidelines in place at home if you haven’t already.

Some children and adolescents may experience worry or anxiety when they don’t have immediate access to their phones.6 They may fear being disconnected from their friends and from their caregivers; however, you can discuss ways they can connect with their friends IRL, assure them that school offices and parents will contact each other in case of emergency, and normalize the fact that most students will be experiencing the same separation from their phones at school.

Having a conversation about phone-use limits, and communicating expectations about screen time in advance of the school year, will help prepare your child for this transition.

Ultimately, as the seasons change, we will find ourselves here again a year from now. Remember to focus on what you can control and identify areas where both you and your child have choice. Experiencing anxiety in the face of life’s many “firsts” is a part of life we can’t avoid, but each first provides a new opportunity to support our children in building skills and the confidence needed to manage uncertainty.

References
  1. Grupe, D. W., & Nitschke, J. B. (2013). Uncertainty and anticipation in anxiety: An integrated neurobiological and psychological perspective. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 14(7), 488–501. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3524  ↩︎
  2. Tran, S. T., Bieniak, K., Bedree, H., Adler, M., Ogunmona, S., Kovar-Gough, I., Ma, W., Thabrew, H., & Cunningham, N. R. (2024). Systematic review and meta-analysis of the effect of psychological interventions on anxiety in children and youth. Journal of Pediatric Psychology, 49(11), 841–855. https://doi.org/10.1093/jpepsy/jsae097 ↩︎
  3. Voss, C., & Raz, T. (2016). Never split the difference: Negotiating as if your life depended on it. HarperBusiness. ↩︎
  4. Canadian Paediatric Society. (2024, November 15). Healthy sleep for your baby and child. Caring for Kids. https://caringforkids.cps.ca/handouts/healthy-living/healthy_sleep_for_your_baby_and_child ↩︎
  5. Dewald JF, Meijer AM, Oort FJ, Kerkhof GA, Bögels SM. The influence of sleep quality, sleep duration and sleepiness on school performance in children and adolescents: A meta-analytic review. Sleep Medicine Reviews. 2010;14(3):179–189. 
    and
    Lollies F, Schnatschmidt M, Bihlmeier I, et al. Associations of sleep and emotion regulation processes in childhood and adolescence: A systematic review. 2022;15(4):490–514. DOI: 10.5935/1984-0063.20220082. ↩︎
  6. Daraj LR, AlGhareeb M, Almutawa YM, Trabelsi K, Jahrami H. Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of the Correlation Coefficients between Nomophobia and Anxiety, Smartphone Addiction, and Insomnia Symptoms. Healthcare (Basel). 2023 Jul 19;11(14):2066. doi: 10.3390/healthcare11142066. PMID: 37510507; PMCID: PMC10380081. ↩︎
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Why is my child’s therapist meeting with me instead of my child?person in black pants and black shoes sitting on brown wooden chairperson in black pants and black shoes sitting on brown wooden chairWhy is my child’s therapist meeting with me instead of my child?