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Why is my child’s therapist meeting with me instead of my child?

by Chelsea Reaume, M.A., Natasha Vogel, M.Sc., & Kristel Thomassin, Ph.D.

Imagine you are the parent of a child who is experiencing difficulties with their mental health. After doing the legwork to find a suitable mental health professional, getting on multiple waitlists, and waiting for months, you finally get an appointment. Toward the end of your child’s first visit, your child’s therapist throws you a curveball. They would actually like you to come to therapy, along with – or, even in some cases, instead of – your child.

Some initial reactions might come to mind: hesitancy (how would me going to therapy help my child?), self-criticism (am I to blame for my child’s problems?), and, importantly, concerns with logistics (how am I going to fit this into my hectic schedule, with all the other demands placed on me as a parent?).

Perhaps you don’t have to use your imagination for this situation – maybe this has been you and your child. If that is the case, you are far from alone. Many parents feel overwhelmed and uncertain about how to best support their child’s mental health. These feelings of inadequacy or helplessness are not uncommon in parents, especially considering the growing mental health crisis affecting children and youth across North America.1

This crisis, alongside other major stressors like financial strain, has contributed to such high levels of stress in modern-day parents that in 2024, the U.S. Surgeon General issued a public health advisory specifically addressing its impact on parents’ mental health and well-being.2 On top of it all, this not-so-hypothetical scenario presumes that you know where to start to access services or that you even have the means to do so in the first place – a common problem reported by parents navigating the mental healthcare landscape on behalf of their children.3

Parents may wonder what their child’s therapist is thinking when asked to play a central role in their child’s mental health treatment. To start answering this question, we can look to published research. Parental involvement in a child’s therapy is often linked to better treatment outcomes for children.4 While therapists and children can make a lot of progress working one-on-one, the typical 50-minute session is relatively limited compared to the time parents spend with their kids on a weekly basis. In addition, children often need support at home when using the skills they learn in treatment, especially in the beginning.5

Parents might also be interested to know that they too stand to benefit from being involved in their child’s therapy.6 Arming parents with a deeper understanding of how child mental health difficulties develop, and actively involving them in “fighting back” alongside their child, can alleviate the guilt, stress, and anguish parents can sometimes feel when their child is struggling.

Some entirely parent-focused interventions, such as Emotion Focused Family Therapy, have been shown to empower parents by reducing self-blame and increasing parents’ confidence in supporting their child’s mental health.789 Moreover, parent-focused interventions can be delivered in groups, allowing parents to connect and share camaraderie with other parents facing similar challenges. Such opportunities to connect with parents outside the home are invaluable, according to a recent survey examining the link between parenting and loneliness.10

Still, your child’s therapist appreciates that going to therapy in place of your child can feel daunting. The fact of the matter is that conditions like anxiety, disruptive behaviour, or depression consume a lot of time and emotional energy within families, leaving many parents feeling overwhelmed at the idea of devoting even more time to their child’s mental health struggles.

Therapists want to help you and your child reclaim that time – not by adding more to your already full plate, but by helping you use that time to do things differently. We aim to equip you with strategies so that, over time, you and your child can spend less time fighting back against mental illness and more time doing things your family values, whether that be playing games, taking nature walks, or sharing meals together.

The Maplewoods Centre for Family Therapy and Child Psychology provides mental health services to children, parents, and families. If you are seeking mental health services for your child, feel free to contact us. We work on a sliding fee scale, which means we adjust our fees if families are facing financial hardship.

We also currently offer parent Emotion Focused Family Therapy groups as a part of an ongoing research study. The next group is starting March 2, 2026. If you are interested in learning more about this group, contact efft@uoguelph.ca.

References
  1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023). Youth Risk Behavior Survey data summary & trends report: 2013–2023. https://www.cdc.gov/yrbs/dstr/pdf/YRBS-2023-Data-Summary-Trend-Report.pdf ↩︎
  2. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2024, August 28). Parental mental health & well-being. HHS.gov. https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/parents/index.html ↩︎
  3. O’Connor, E. E., & Langer, D. A. (2019). I heard it through the grapevine: Where and what parents learn about youth mental health treatments. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 75(4), 710–725. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.22706  ↩︎
  4. Dowell, K. A., & Ogles, B. M. (2010). The effects of parent participation on child psychotherapy outcome: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 39(2), 151–162. https://doi-org.subzero.lib.uoguelph.ca/10.1080/15374410903532585
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  5. Manassis, K., Lee, T. C., Bennett, K., Zhao, X. Y., Mendlowitz, S., Duda, S., Saini, M., Wilansky, P., Baer, S., Barrett, P., Bodden, D., Cobham, V. E., Dadds, M. R., Flannery-Schroeder, E., Ginsburg, G., Heyne, D., Hudson, J. L., Kendall, P. C., Liber, J., . . . Wood, J. J. (2014). Types of parental involvement in CBT with anxious youth: A preliminary meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 82(6), 1163–1172. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0036969 ↩︎
  6. Brown, J. (2020). Engaging with parents in child and adolescent mental health services. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, 41(2), 145–160. https://doi.org/10.1002/anzf.1409 ↩︎
  7. Cordeiro, K., Wyers, C., Oliver, M., Foroughe, M., & Muller, R. T. (2022). Caregiver maltreatment history and treatment response following an intensive Emotion Focused Family Therapy workshop. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 29(5), 1728–1741. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.2739 ↩︎
  8. Lafrance Robinson, A., Dolhanty, J., and Greenberg, L. (2013). Emotion-Focused Family Therapy for eating disorders in children and adolescents. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 22(1), 75– 82. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.1861 ↩︎
  9. Wilhelmsen-Langeland, A., Aardal, H., Hjelmseth, V., Fyhn, K. H., & Stige, S. H. (2020). An Emotion Focused Family Therapy workshop for parents with children 6-12 years increased parental self-efficacy. Emotional and Behavioural Difficulties, 25(1), 29–41. https://doi.org/10.1080/13632752.2019.1655921 ↩︎
  10. Locke, S. (2024, April 24). Majority of parents experience isolation, loneliness, and burnout, survey reveals. News-Medical. https://www.news-medical.net/news/20240424/Majority-of-parents-experience-isolation-loneliness-and-burnout-survey-reveals.aspx ↩︎